On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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