i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
