i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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