Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
