the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
