last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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