what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
home. puking in laundry basket.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
