In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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