Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
