Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
