Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
