I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
