DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Someone came in the potted fern
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
