lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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