I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
