i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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