The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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