is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
