I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
