She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
