forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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