I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
