my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
