I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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