my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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