She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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