bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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