my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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