I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
