i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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