btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We got so high we made milksteak
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
