Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
