k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
