If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
