so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
