We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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