you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
