i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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