the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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