Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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