so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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