so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
