My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
