garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
is it fun? or sober?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
