I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
