So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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