90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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