dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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