Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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