I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize