So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
