I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
