to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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