Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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