i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
