i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
