we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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