How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
