he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
