I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize