Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
