Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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