So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
