i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
