Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
