I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
