the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
