I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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