I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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