if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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