She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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