he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
try to milk me bitch
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
