We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
