I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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