he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
