barbara walters just said penis...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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