Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
