Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
