dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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