UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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