I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
