Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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