someone owes me an orgasm
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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