does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
