So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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