I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
