Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
