We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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