Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
