you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't put those talents on a resume
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You don't make any sense
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