If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
