I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
