I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
one might say we're banned from that church
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
