i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pray to the hookup gods
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