i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
