Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
