I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
