I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The uberlube is also flammable
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
