omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
